


"stupid. stuuupid. you composing-addicted weirdo. you literal three-year-old."

by ensemblegays



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, DONT READ PLEASE, Female Pronouns for Narukami Arashi, Flashbacks, Gay Rights, I hate it here, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Major Character Injury, Panic, Post checkmate, if you dont like gore/deep panic, im so sorry, izuleo rights, major references to checkmate, this is based on checkmate actually, this is kinda triggering for most people, this isnt for kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:07:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25584112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ensemblegays/pseuds/ensemblegays
Summary: Izumi comes back from Italy, and Leo decides to act his age for once.Now they're sitting in front of the archery range.Where Leo quite literally threw his last bit of sanity away.And then they're both crying and shaking, Izumi yelling away his anger.Maybe Leo isn't that much of an idiot after all.
Relationships: Sena Izumi/Tsukinaga Leo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	"stupid. stuuupid. you composing-addicted weirdo. you literal three-year-old."

**Author's Note:**

> I AM CRYIGN WRITING THIS I HATE IT. checkmate hurt me so hard but now my friend sena asked me to write this izuleo fic and i couldnt forget that izumi angst is almost nonexistent, and that checkmate is a thing that hurt both of them.  
> //title note: yes i know this is what tsukasa said. i am aware this isnt leokasa. wait and see.  
> -  
> I can't write happy izuleo im so sorry  
> -  
> this is really long so bear with me i promise it gets better

'Finally home,' Izumi mentally yelled as he opened his apartment door. Well more like his dorm door. That slight creak was enough to startle the two redheads who were relaxing on their beds for the first time in weeks. Oh well, goodbye calmness. The night had already taken over the windows, and the only light both boys had were the ones from their phones and nightstand lights. 

"Oh, welcome back, Sena-senpai," Mao politely waved from his bed as he stood up to help Izumi get everything to his room. "Tsukinaga-san left a note for you so I put it on your bed. Hope you don't mind giving it a look, he didn't stop bugging me even though I told him to send it via SMS..," a deep sigh escaped his lips before muttering a low 'tell me if you need anything' and walking back to flop on his bed.

'Leo? A note? So annoying,' He let out his signature annoyed sigh as he closed the door behind him rather loudly, earning a 'Sena, are you alright' from Kuro, who was in the room right accross him. He was fine, he guesses. This is fine! Leo left a note and annoyed the shit out of Mao just to give a note. There mustn't be anything bad along with that, right? After he shook his head right and left and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, he rolled his suitcase close to his bed and took the piece of messy paper.

' _Sena! I heard you were coming back from Ritsu, so whenever you do read this, please come to the archery range at 4pm! No matter the temperature or weather! See you soon~★_

_-Leo ♛'_

"Sooo annoying!!" He let out, grumbling a few more insults before getting some clothes out for the next day. It was already 12am already, and the time difference didn't help his tiredness. 

He groaned as he walked to his bathroom and completed his nightly skin ritual. No matter the day, mood or event, he always, **always** had to take care of his skin. He promised both himself and Naru; and he was a man of his words. He took his night shower, because who in the word sleeps dirty? not him. He let out the last groan into his pillow as the anxiety sunk in. 

Why the archery range? Didn't Leo remember what happened there? Why was Izumi asked to go there? Wasn't it supposed to be Madara or Keito? They were both aware of what happened, Izumi wasn't even supposed to know about it. Did something happen again? Will something happen again? Would he witness the past repeat itself with his own eyes? What in the world was Leo thinking?! He was such an idiot at times, even _he himself_ didn't know what the hell he was doing or why he was doing it. All for the sake of inspiration. 

Izumi knew he might break when he got there. Maybe that's the kind of inspiration Leo wants? His former king had told him he was a source of inspiration, but at some point your imagination reaches an end, so you need more and more? Was that it? Did he run out of ideas while seeing Izumi's usually strange smile and decided to take in every idea he could while seeing him cry? Izumi never cried in front of anyone. Maybe once or twice out of happiness after lives or on his birthday, of course, but his tears of sadness? No one had ever seen them, and he thought no one ever would. He's a model, not a child. He has a brain and uses his gut feelings only when needed. Though he never needed to cry in front of anyone. If he did, he would simply go back home before anyone could come back to the dorm and cry silently in his locked and soundproof bathroom.

Right beside a couple blades and a few painkillers. 

\------

A loud beeping noise woke up the grey-haired boy from his anxious yet undisturbed slumber. He let out a groan and stopped his alarm, using every neuron he had while waking up (none) to not hit the shit out of his phone thinking it was Leo waking him up. Damn habits, this one never stopped even when he was in Italy with no stupid Ousama to break his ears at 5 in the morning. 

Even though he didn't miss his stupid yells of "INSPIRATION!! IT'S COME!!" all the damn time, the small headpats and delicate shoulder rubs Leo always gave him lingered on his skin, making his very body ache. He would never admit it loudly, but he liked how Leo would carress Izumi's arm, completely careless and even sometimes burning the skin by how intensely he did it when he zoned out. Or when he didn't even notice the small bumps his skin had when he touched Izumi's thigh when they kissed for the first time. That one hurt though. It wasn't that painful, but it still itched. I mean, he pressed hard on fresh, new skin that had been ruptured just the day before. At least Izumi wasn't stupid enough to wear white pants. Or anything that could potentially infect the scars. Izumi had a brain, unlike Leo. 

Leo was still a writing genius though, he had to give him that. He was also kind of pretty.. with shining green eyes, it was only a bit sad they weren't darker so it could reflect the stars a little better when they gazed at the sky on the night of their graduation. The way his hair turned almost brown when there was no light around them other than the moon. It was really beautiful. Leo was an idiot for not trying out modelling. He would've been the target of so many magazines and fashion shows, the very star of the photographers, someone that would make any other model in the industry get chills down their spines and lift the little hair on their necks. Izumi kinda envied his beauty, but at least he knows his worth in the industry. He's in the top 5 along with his unitmate, Naru, so he must be pretty enough, right? yeah.

Reality stopped his gay panic as someone softly knocked on his door. 

"Sena-senpai, are you okay? I heard your alarm go off but you still haven't come out of your room. It's been two hours," Mao's voice spoke out, not too loud or too low. As expected to the student council president, always there for anyone. That wasn't because of his status of course. Mao was always like that with everyone.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I probably fell back asleep. Thanks for waking me up, Isara," He groaned as he got up, going to quickly brush his teeth and get dressed. 

The worst part of his day: getting dressed. He had to get out of his comfortable, covering clothes and get into his normal, custom clothes his modelling agency had given him. He's lucky they never gave him shorts. He explicitely said he wouldn't do anything if he had to wear shorts, or anything that didn't cover skin above half of his tibia. When he had to change he always noticed the remaining scars of the past years as well as some new marks. He hated what he was doing, yet he was never able to put a stop to it. It was like Leo's inspiration sparks, when he got the feeling he had to write it down. So when Izumi got the feeling, he had to mark his skin, he had to let it out in some way. 

He let out a big groan as he closed his eyes while changing up, he hated seeing those, it only made him want more and more until he would continuously bleed out for hours and lay on the ground, body limp and empty of any kind of energy. But then Mao and Kuro would find him and they might get a bad, bad traumatic experience from it. He doesn't want that. He slid on his shirt with his eyes open and straightened the fabric, sighing and leaving his room to go to the cafeteria and eat his meal. 

His alarm had went off at around what, 9am? Mao told him he had wasted 2 more hours, and just doing his morning routine took him another hour. 12pm. Nice. He skipped breakfast. Naru will literally kill him once he gets to the cafeteria. 'Missing your breakfast will ruin your skin!!' she says. She's always like that, she looks out to everyone. Especially with what happened last year. She does that to Izumi, but never to Ritsu, who usually misses two meals and even sometimes all three of them because he's sleeping. She might have a soft spot for him? Who knows. His skin is perfect anyways, Izumi doesn't think it has to do with anything. Overthinking won't help his empty stomach. 

\----

His phone buzzes. It's 3:30pm. He barely has enough time to get his coat and umbrella to get to the archery range. He debates whether he should do it or not, but still runs as fast as he can from the lounge to his dorm. 

Mao's eyes notice a panting Izumi at the doorstep, and immediately gives him his coat, boots and umbrella, as if his body language and the message going out of his blue pupils were enough. 

He runs back and slows down when he gets close to the club 'room'. He starts looking around, taking in the strange but familiar scent of humidity and signs of a soon pouring rain. 

"SENA!!"

A somehow small thud could be heard all around them as the two boys fell down. Leo just had to jump on Izumi the second they saw each other again! (He can't blame the other for that. Even he was trying to restrain himself from doing something along the lines of 'soft kiss and small hug')

"Soo annoying.. ugh, what did you need me for here? It's gonna rain in a few minutes. If you wanted to talk you could've texted or called me," He grumbled, his words going against his body. He hugged Leo tighter, just now realizing where the two of them were and what might happen. What might repeat itself. 

"Nah~ I dropped my phone somewhere at Tsukasa's place!! And I forgot to tell him, so Ritsu had the messages sent to everyone since I went to crash at his place for a while~ his brother is out of town so we had the house just for ourselves~ Naru even came for a few days!! You should've been there.." His smile transformed into a small pout as he continued talking, but once he was done he slid away from Izumi's tight embrace and sat on the stairs right in front of the targets.

"You really don't know what I brought you here for, do you?" Leo asked, a serious tone finally settling in. Izumi knew Leo had some seriousness in him, he's 19, of course he does. But even then, it surprised him and sent chills down his back as he sat beside him, umbrella in hand.

"What happened before the Checkmate live. When you broke your arm..?" Izumi asked, his seriousness falling in line as well. Now wasn't the time for his groans and sighs of annoyance. Especially not when Leo was like this. 

\------

Leo had heard a loud meowing that day when he came into the archery range.

"What are you doing to Little John??" He exclaimed, quickly taking the cat into his frail arms. "Stop it! Don't you feel sorry for it??" He yelped, stepping back from the deliquents that were in front of him. Fear ran throughout his entire body like electricity. It kept him awake but the levels of adrenaline he had within his blood streams could make him fall out of consciousness at any given time. 

"What do you think you're doing?"

"You're ruining our fun, piece of shit."

"Let the kitty kitty down and go back to your castle of fun and sparkles, idol."

The taller people immediately sparked the same idea within their minds and laughed simultaneously. 

'What are they gonna do to me? Will I be able to save it? Will I be able to save the cat from those people?? Will they leave me to die? Will I die here?? Dying while protecting a small, frail animal seems heroic and all, but I kinda don't wanna die here!! Will I be able to perform again?? What if they rip out my arm? What if they hurt my Knights instead? What if Sena gets hurt because of me? Would it be my fault? Will I even be able to see Sena again..' "ARHG-" 

His thoughts were stopped by a punch in the back. Then came another, a push to the side, a shove to the front, another punch, a kick in the leg. A nail scratch, and a real blade scratch, another punch, another kick. He had forgotten to count them, the pain was unbearable, but he still had in mind that he needed to protect the cat. He had to protect it with his life. 

Then came the last push. The one that made him fall to the ground. The one that sent horrible pain through his arm, upper back and neck. The one that made him realize that yeah, he was gonna pass out. Pass out because of the pain and the rush of adrenaline. Right before he lost his consciousness, he looked at the cat who was absolutely frightened, but not hurt. The kicks and punches continued as he used his body as a shield for the last minute he had the energy to stay awake for.

His body gave out under the pain. Everything went black. The three deliquants ran away in fear. The cat was safe.

'The cat is safe. The cat is safe. The cat is safe. The cat is safe..' His remaining thoughts lingered as his own mind gave out, going into a deeper stage of horrible dreams and nightmares.

"Leo-kun. It's your fault."

"It's your fault. It's your fault. It's your fault. We've all gotten hurt because your stupid idiotic brain decided to save a stray cat. They came for us, you know? They hurt us. All of us."

"What? I didn't know-" Leo's voice quivered in fear. Did he cause this? Did he hurt people he loved? The very people who have brought him infinite inspiration? Did he really hurt them all because of one selfish action..? 

A massive wave of panic and anger ran through him as he dug his fingers through his hair and pulled. He grabbed his arms and scratched until they were red and almost bleeding. He used the zipper of his pants to cut open his finger skin. Everything hurt already, nothing helped. His arm ached for some reason. He closed his eyes and yelled. Loudly. 

He opened his eyes again. He was laying on the ground, his face right beside a small, terrorized cat that kept meowing at him. 

"ah, you're safe.." He mumbled, getting up on his knees. Everything hurt, except that small melody in his mind. A demonic melody, something that could possibly scare everyone away. Even the most absurd music listeners would cry if hearing it. 

"I’m so happy… This is the first time I’ve ever felt such pain, how lucky. ah, inspiration.. it's come, it's come..." Leo chuckled, clearly out of his mind at that moment. He took a nearby branch and looked at his arm. It was bleeding hard. really hard. So he took the branch and used it as a pen. Dipped the tip of it in his bloodied shoulder and wrote down. He kept writing and writing until he couldn't move around for space anymore.

\----

A slight panic drew itself on Leo's face as he looked back at Izumi, desperately to read something on his face. All Leo saw was anger, but he could tell it wasn't directed at him.

Izumi was angry at himself.

A tear fell down Izumi's pale face as he grumbled a few insults here and there, and they were definitely directed at himself. He stood up, fists tighened so hard it mightve broken the skin under his fine nails, but he didn't care. 

"I SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE WITH YOU- I- I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT YOU ALONE THAT DAY-" He started, choking up loud sobs and sitting back down to calm his lungs.

Leo gasped loudly, he didn't even start to explain what happened that day. 

"Mijekima-kun told me.. I- I should've been there to help, I shouldn't have left you alone, I should've been there, no.. It should've been me. You idiot, going to protect a cat, passing out and waking up to write some satanic song on the gROUND WITH YOUR OWN BLOOD?? NO ONE SHOULD LIVE THROUGH THAT, ESPECIALLY YoU- A fragile being, a literal sun.. You should'nt been there, it's my fault i left you alone. I'm so sorry I-" He ended, finally letting his tears out. 

Leo was also crying. Not loudly though, silent tears.

"I thought they were gonna hurt you guys as well I- I had to take the beating without fighting back because I thought they would hurt YOU too- I took every part of their frustration in, all those words and punches, I took them in to protect you, stupid!!" Leo yelled back, clutching his head between his hands.

"You idiot! I can protect myself, you had the body of a 10 year-old CHILD! How in the world do you think you would fight back??" Izumi looked at his gleamy eyes, streamed with panic, fear, sadness and guilt. 

"I HAD TO PROTECT YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, STUPID SENA! I HAD TO PROTECT ALL OF YOU BECAUSE I HOLD ALL OF YOU SO CLOSE TO MY HEART, BUT ESPECIALLY YOU- God damnit.. I had to do this, I had to I had to i had to."

"..."

"p-please at least react. Your eyes have gotten numb."

"fuck, leo-kun. you're an idiot. you're a real idiot."

At this point, the rain was pouring. Literal rivers. The two of them were completely wet, but they didn't even care anymore.

"don't do that again.. please. I can't stand to raise my voice at you." Izumi stated, looking down at his arms. 

"and you have to stop using that goddamn blade of yours," Leo ended, a stupid pout on his face. "you were blaming yourself all along, weren't you? i might be stupid, but I'm not blind. I can see you changing during our practices."

Izumi choked back on a tear. Yeah they see each other changing sometimes, but he was always turned around. never did he even show his full skin. 'Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.' 

"I know you can't do that in a day," Leo spoke again. 

"Yeah. But instead of doing this, I'll actually protect you. For real this time," Izumi laughed out, still crying. 

\----

"Why are you two always so late for practice??" Tsukasa scolded, earning a few laughs from Naru and Ritsu, as well as nervous chuckles from Leo and Izumi.

"Leo brought me to this one place and we wasted our time there," Izumi said, eyeing Leo quickly before putting on his practice shoes.

"Are you sure it was just that~ hehe~~" Naru added, a smug look plastered on her face.

"Yeah~ maybe our seniors did something they don't want us to know about~" Ritsu added, quickly nodding to the two elders with a saddened look. He knew exactly what had happened. Leo told him he would face Izumi that day, after all. He didn't let that look stay on his face before crawling on Naru's lap. "Mmm, comfy... i'm getting sleepy~' 

A groan from Tsukasa, laugh from Leo, calm chuckle by Naru and sigh by Izumi could be heard and imagined from miles away. 

"ugh. stupid. stuuupid. you composing-addicted weirdo. you literal three-year-old." Tsukasa grumbled before going off to waking Ritsu up for practice. 

'protecting everyone seems like a good thing to do,' Izumi thought as someone grabbed his hands and pulled him towards the rest of the unit. Leo's hand. 

They could stay okay for a while. 

**Author's Note:**

> IM SO SORRY FOR THE EARLY IZUMI ANGST I REALLY AM I DONT KNOW WHAT TOOK OVER ME BUT THIS WAS GOOD SO I LEFT IT THERE???  
> // can u see i gave up by the end lol anyways hope you enjoyed!!


End file.
